The "One", Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:22

Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favor from the Lord."
Genesis 2:18 "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I think as Christians, including me, we have a tendency to look at selecting a mate as an overtly spiritual process. Sure God is involved...but I think sometimes we look for "confirmation" that simply isn't there.

Now let me explain, we've all heard the "God told me" line and the I just "knew the moment I saw her" scenarios. But there is a lot more at work here than just "God," it's our expectations and hopes.

So why do we believe in this myth? First, its reassuring, romantic and gives us a sense of fate and a feeling of being special. Second, our culture has taught us this is how we are supposed to react. The music we listen to and the images we watch tell us this is what love is and how we'll know when we've found it, but it's simply not true. The idea of knowing if someone is "the One" early in a relationship is a myth. Sounds great and we've all heard people who married someone who says they knew right away, but there are many more who also thought they knew and it didn't turn out so well for them.

Once we believe someone is "the One" we ignore contrary information because we don't want to know anything that doesn't support our belief. And this is dangerous ground because we ignore character flaws, bad habits and often quickly speed a relationship towards the altar because, "I've found the One, so why wait when you already know?" Doing so is really foolish.

We want to believe these feelings of bliss are God's approval that we have found "the One." But feelings alone are not a good judge of character, compatibility or God's best. In short, Don't trust feelings, but rely on family, friends and Godly people whose advice we can trust and of course prayerfully ask for wisdom.

Doesn't sound too romantic does it?

Trials, James 1, 2 Cor 12

James 1:2-5 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

God knows that when things are going great in our lives we often do not seek Him, but when it seems that when we are in a storm every word we utter is uttered in prayer. Transitions are often what God uses to mold us and shape us. Transitions often involve stress, pain, sadness, and they are often something we did not choose for ourselves. James teaches us that when we, "Let perseverance finish its work" or in other words, accept the fact that God is trying to speak to us through a trial and recognize that it is coming from God's hand we will experience growth that causes us to mature. James teaches that when we do not "Let perseverance finish its work" we will not learn what God is teaching us. So....

1. Acceptance of God's work in our lives no matter how good or bad helps God bring us to maturity.

2. We need to ask for wisdom to help us discern what God is speaking to us through our circumstances. Without wisdom we will not respond properly.

3. Focus on the fruit that God is producing in you, not how He is doing it. "Rejoice"

4. We need God's wisdom to respond right to our trials.

5. Failing to respond correctly to trials means we will be tested repeatedly in that area until we learn our lesson.

Trials and Temptations, 1 Corinthians 10

1 Cor 10:13 "No temptation has over taken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Temptations in this passage is a Greek word which can mean an enticement to evil or testing in general. And the word should probably be understand in a broad sense to mean both. Satan tempts to destroy us while God test to develop us.

God is faithful. God is involved in this process. He takes what is intended for evil and uses it for our good (Genesis 50:20). We know He doesn't initiate everything that comes our way but He does govern everything. God filters and limits the testing we receive allowing only what we can handle and He also provides the way of escape out of trial. In short, God limits the trials and temptations we receive; not allowing anything we can't handle. And the temptations and trials we experience are meant to develop and mature us not destroy us.

Facing Temptation, Matt 4

In Matt 4 we read about Christ's temptation at the hands of Satan. These three temptations lie at the heart of all temptations that we face as believers.

From this passage we learn that most temptation comes when we are in a weakened state, i.e. lonely, angry, tired, hungry.

The first temptation was an attempt to get Jesus to turn stones into bread. On a universal level this was a temptation to get his needs met in ways other than God's.

The second temptation was a test to get Jesus to throw himself off of the temple. On a deeper level this was a test to control God rather than to trust Him and His ways. We do the same thing when we bargain with God in our prayers, or try to fix people instead of loving them and letting God work His grace in their lives.

The third temptation was when Satan offered Jesus all the kingdom's of the world just for worshipping him. This was a temptation to avoid suffering. Had Christ accepted Satan's offer He would not have had to go to the cross.

In short, We are tempted like Christ to:
1. Get our legitimate needs met in an illegitimate way,
2. Use God for our own ends,
3. Do the right thing at the wrong time in the wrong way and to take short cuts doing it.

Growth, Romans 8

I for a long time I've been asking myself, "What does growth look like?" That may be a strange question, but it has been something I've been thinking about since I started my graduate work. And the funny thing is after a few years thinking about it I honestly still have a lot of questions. But here is what I've learned:

1. All growth is spiritual growth. Our lives can't be compartmentalize into religious and secular, i.e. learning to budget is still spiritual growth.
2. Letting the scriptures guide my relationships produces emotional health.
3. Most of my growth has been the result of transitions or to put it plainly, suffering.
4. Relationships should be opportunities for people to experience acceptance.
5. We should respond to difficult situations by obeying scripture. I believe that when a person obeys scripture's teachings when they are suffering, God is putting them on the fast track to spiritual growth.
6. I've learned that we should accept things we can not change and seek God's grace for strength.

The Greek word here for glory is the same for image. Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory (image)."
Responding right to suffering makes us more like Christ.

Man was perfect in the beginning with God. Man fell away from God shortly thereafter. God's plan of redemption is God's restorative work to make us more of our true selves. In short, By obeying scripture's principles in every situation we are being transformed into Christ's image and becoming more of our true selves.